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« Previous | Page 5 Here is a Boudreaux joke that I was told: Boudreaux died and went to Hell. When he got there the devil turned up the heat 4 times the normal and asked Boudreaux how that felt and Boudreaux said, " Man that feels like Bayou PomPom in July". So the next day the devil turned the heat all the way up and asked Boudreaux how he felt and Boudreaux said, " Man that feels like Bayou LaFouche in August". So the next day the devil turned off all of the heat and the fire and asked Boudreaux how that felt and Boudreaux said, " Man dem Saints musta won dem Supa-Bowl !! A man came into a bar and ordered a beer. The waiter put a coaster and a beer on the table. Ten minutes later the man ordered another beer. The waiter brought him the beer and saw that the coaster had disappeared. So he fetched another one.. Ten minutes later, another beer. And again the coaster was missing. This time the waiter decided he would not lay down another coaster... "hey" the man said, "where's my cookie ?" You might be a Cajun if ......... ● You start an angel food cake with a roux. ● Watching "Wild Kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook. ● You think a Lobster is a Crawfish on steroids. ● You take a bite of 5-Alarm Texas Chili and reach for the Tabasco. ● You have an "envie" for something instead of a craving. ● You use a No. 3 washtub to cover your lawn mower or outboard in your yard. ● The horse power on your outboard is greater than your car. ● Your favorite TV talk show is Okra Winfrey. ● Your children's bedtime story begins with " First you make a roux ..........." ● Your school teaches the four basic food groups as boiled seafood, broiled seafood, fried seafood and beer. ● You're asked to name the "Fab Four" and answer " Paul Prudhomme, John Folse, Justin Wilson, and Vrenon Roger". ● You're asked to name the four seasons and reply " Onions, Celery, Bell Pepper, and Garlic". ● Your description of a gourmet dinner includes the words "deep fat fried". ● You refer to Louisiana winters as "gumbo weather". ● You think gravy is a beverage. ● You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says "Don't eat the dead ones" and you know what he means. ● You gave up Tabasco for Lent. ● You know the difference between Zatarains, Zeringue and Zydeco. ● Your dog thinks the bed of your pickup is his kennel. ● You can look at a rice field and tell how much gravy it will take to cover the rice. ● You consider the four seasons winter, summer, spring and hunting. ● Your high school band's rendition of the national anthem begins " Jambalaya, crawfish pie, filet gumbo. ● You don't know the real names of your friends, only their nicknames. ● Any of your dessert recipes call for jalapenos. Arkansas Vasectomy After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. This nerdy little accountant appears at St. Peter's gate. St Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven. The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks: Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life? Well" says the accountant, "Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up and about to be raped by a bunch of bikers. So I yelled "Hey dirtbags, why don't you pick on somebody your own size" and I then kicked all their hogs over, all six of em, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also St Peter asks, "I'm looking through the book of your life, and I don't see this incident recorded. When did it occur?" The accountant replies "About five minutes ago." A man walking down the beach sees an old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed-off genie emerges. She says, "normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son-of-a-@#*%, I am going to grant only 1." The man thinks a minute and says, "Okay, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed." She says, "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle. Next morning, the guy wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance. Henry Ford went to heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities, asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peter printed out the list of all the inventors currently (doing time) in heaven. As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam. He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the discovery of women. Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a few things to straighten out with him. When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking him for the flaws in his invention. "Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw. There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too much, it chatters at high speeds and the intake is placed too close to the exhaust". Obviously, Adam doesn't like it too much. He thinks for a while and then leads Henry Ford to the Celestial computer. He works with the enormous data banks and in a few minutes there are beeps and all that, and out come a few charts and graphs. "Look here, Mr. Ford. Despite all the flaws you pointed out, data shows that there are more men riding my product than yours". Once upon a time, a man was walking along a riverbed when he spotted a oil lamp lying upon the ground. He took the lamp, rubbed it and voila! A genie appeared. The man was very excited and wanted his wishes to come true...but the genie stopped him and said: " I will grant you your three wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the lawyers in this great country of America will receive double." The guy said, " Fine, let me start with my first wish. I wish I had a million dollars." And a suitcase appeared containing a million dollars. All the lawyers got two million dollars too. Then the guy said, "For my second wish, I wish that I will have a beautiful woman who will always pleasure me forever and ever." And a beautiful woman appeared and stood by his side. All the lawyers got two beautiful women too. Then the guy said, "For my final wish, I wish to remove one of my kidneys". «
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